Slithershanks says 'Be kind to bankers.'
28 March 2014
Bankers are copping some fierce criticism from ordinary people these days. Slithershanks is keen to reassure the poor darlings. "Those who admire bankers, admire them very much," he says, helpfully. It is also true that those financial words that mean something, mean a very great deal indeed. Here are a few.
Analysts. People who have to be right about something eventually.
Credit Default Swaps. A financial instrument that allows companies to swap reality for something more palatable.
Footpath. A place financial traders can find a floor in a falling market.
Investment banks. Organisations so clever, they can create wealth in places you can’t create wealth.
Labour market. A brutal arena in which it is unwise to say that you are as good as the next person, because they will hire the next person and pay them half as much.
Materialism. The philosophy of our times that cannot explain itself. Because no one can point to physical matter that explains why anyone would support Collingwood, for instance. Fortunately, such problems do not matter, because everyone is far too interested in accumulating more materials to bother about whether or not materialism makes any sense.
Market bottom. Capitalism is strong on offering choices, and the world’s stock markets are no exception. They are now offering a choice of market bottoms. Market bottoms at a 20% discount. Two bottoms for the price of one. Buy one bottom now, one later. No money up front required, there will be another market bottom at the end of season sales.
Money. Something that you make. No matter what business you are in, in the end all you make is money. Which is why those in the finance sector do so well, because while others are putting all their effort into making products like pet rocks or Facebook, financiers are saving time by just making money. Meanwhile, the media has a different approach. It just likes to make things up. Much less effort.
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